Gwen Pederson, Writing Portfolio

You called me the light of your life.

You called me the light of your life a month into us dating.
You beamed brighter than the sun,
yet you called me the light of your life.

I always found the irony amusing.

We sat at the beach as you held me in your arms.
We watched the sun dip below the horizon
It should’ve gotten cold then-
            when the sun was gone
Still, I only felt warmth as I huddled next to you
and you pulled my body closer.
You emitted a warmth I had never felt before.
For some reason, once we left,
you thanked me for keeping you warm.

You had trouble finding the light.

The darkness loomed over you
like a cloud attached with an invisible string.
You tried to push me away
You always tried to push me away when the darkness was near
You’d say you didn’t want to taint my light.

I refused to leave you alone.

You told me the thing you loved most about me was that
            even in a room filled with darkness
I was never afraid to light a match.

You swore all the darkness in the world
would never be able to put out my light.

You told me that I was the sun and you were the moon.

I never had the heart to argue,
“We do resemble the sun and the moon,” I’d agree.
Only, I’d have to disagree with who truly resembles
which luminary body.

You weren’t the only one with darkness.

My mind was filled with dark clouds,
My body was surrounded by darkness,
My eyes reflected just how dull I truly felt.

It was the first time you saw me surrounded by clouds.
It was the first time you saw me.

I think we overestimate the power of light.
While no amount of darkness could put out a single match,
Light is fleeting
Darkness is permanent.

All it took was a gust of wind to blow out my match,
suddenly you were aware of just how dull I truly am.

I was never the sun.

I am the moon.
I never had my own light.
I showed you a reflection of yourself,
so blind to how bright you truly were,
you convinced yourself it was me.
            But it was you.

It’s always been you.

It was too easy to see the truth
once I was surrounded by clouds.
There was no light of my own
emitting from the darkness.
There was only more darkness.

You never wanted a moon.

You are a sun longing for a sun.
You search for light and warmth and happiness.
For so long, I was able to reflect yours,
but I know that isn’t enough.
            I know I’m not enough.
You deserve better.

You deserve a sun.

You deserve a true light in your life.