Gwen Pederson, Writing Portfolio

I lost my girlhood.
I don’t know exactly when or where
it all happened, but it was lost and there
was nothing I could do. I miss the days
when I was too young to understand
everything the world demanded
from a woman. Be polite; stand tall
but feminine; be strong but listen to those
who command you; never question
the word of a man. When I was still a girl,
the world felt much simpler. I let pink
coat my body and pearls decorate my ears.
Adoration was replaced with fear
and disgust when the ribbons in my hair
meant I couldn’t appear strong enough
to be near the boys. I was only going to
interfere with their games; I was not meant
to play, I was meant to cheer on the
sidelines. Volunteer when I’m needed,
disappear when I’m not. Be sincere
in my beliefs, but adhere to the rules of
the patriarchy. Pretty girls don’t
complain. Pretty girls take what they are
given and abstain from wanting more. No
need to use your brain, the men will explain
everything you need to know. You will
remain happy with what you are given.
Something’s wrong? It’s only champagne
problems. Everyone knows there is sunshine
after rain, as long as you contain
yourself. Kick and scream and fight,
drive yourself insane- it will all be in vane
anyway. Keep your mouth closed
when you have something to say. Pretty
girls only open their mouths when
they’re on their knees- whether to pray
or to please- they say it’s where we’re
meant to be. Don’t complain when you’re
touched; don’t say it’s too much; don’t say
you didn’t want it. You are such a liar-
you know you asked for it. Keep your
purity clutched tightly in your grip,
but don’t fight back when it’s taken.
I think I was mistaken when I said
I lost my girlhood.
My girlhood was stolen from me
while I was still living in it. Piece
by piece, they infected my mind. Decreased
my freedom so little at a time
I didn’t even realize they were doing it. I
can’t keep track of everyone who
partook in this attack. But I know
my girlhood was stolen from me,
and I will spend the rest of my life
trying to get it back.